July 25, 2008

• A Political Love Poem With Balance

  By VaultESL
  

  1) The Republican Version

  Verse 1:

  If our love were like the campaign trail,
  Darling, you’d be my primary,
  And if our love were like the candidates,
  You’d be Chuck Norris to my Huckabee,
  And if our love were like the Congress,
  I would never filibuster you,
  And if our love were like the NSA,
  I wouldn’t wiretap you too,

  Verse 2:

  If our love were like a general,
  Darling, you’d be my Patraeus,
  And if our love were the American flag,
  Every day I would salute us,
  And if our love were like a taser,
  I wouldn’t tase your bro at all,
  And if our love were like the blogosphere,
  You’d be my Little Green Football,

  Chorus:
  ‘Cause you’re the Second Amendment to my NRA,
  You’re the NIE to my CIA,
  You’re Ronald Reagan winning my Cold War,
  You contracted my America in ’94,
  If you were legislation I would gladly sign you,
  If you were an amendment I would ratify you,
  For you and me, we’re so close, you see,
  You’re the Rush to my Hannity!

  2) The Democratic Version

  Verse 1:

  And if our love were like a minority,
  I’d be affirming all your actions,
  And if our love were like 2000,
  Darling, you’d steal my election,
  And if our love were like Cindy Sheehan,
  You’d be protesting my war,
  And if our love were like the environment,
  You would be my own Al Gore,

  Verse 2:
  And if our love were like the culture,
  You would be my pluralism,
  And if our love were like Al Sharpton,
  You would be my activism,
  And if our love were waterboarding,
  You’d be my Guantanamo,
  And if our love were Yugoslavia,
  You would be my Kosovo,

  Chorus:

  Cause you’re the First Amendment to my ACLU,
  You’re the Democratic Party to my color blue,
  You’re Barack Obama to my Oprah Winfrey,
  You’re William Jefferson Clinton to my Hillary,
  If you were minimun wage, I would gladly raise you,
  If you were my taxes I would happily pay you,
  Cause you and me, we’re so close you see,
  You’re the Senate to my Harry Reid!

  
  3) The Libertarian and Other Assorted Third-Party Version

   

  Verse 1:

  Oh, if our love were a third party,

  You would be my own Ralph Nader,

  And if our love resembled PETA,

  I’d preserve your alligator,

  And if our love were Philadelphia,

  I’d be your Liberty Bell,

  And if our love were Pat Buchanan,

  You would be my Lew Rockwell,

   

  Chorus:

   

  Cause you’re the Sierra Club to my hybrid car,

  You’re the Libertarian Party to my Bob Barr,

  You’re the Constitution Party to my Chuck Baldwin,

  Oh, you’re the Declaration to my Jefferson,

  If you were telecoms, I would immunize you,

  If you were marijuana I would legalize you,

  Cause you’re my doll, please give me a call,

  You’re my very own Ron Paul!

  • 11:17 pm
  • 5 Comments