So as you can see by the previous post, I’ve tried Xanga Themes. Hated it. Changed it back. How else can I get the same obnoxious looking page with any other layout? The answer: I can’t. Therefore, suffer from my hot pink font! HAA!

I’ve  been wondering over social politics lately. How is it we can abort babies inside the womb, but not kill them outside? I mean, we’ve kinda gotten it backwards, haven’t we? Sounds horrible, but bear with me:

Inside the womb, the baby is quiet, doesn’t need a diaper change, eats whatever it’s given without complaint sleeps all night long and doesn’t wake you with screams in the wee hours of the  morning.

Outside the womb, not so great. I love my babies, but frequently threaten to strangle them. They’re noisy, messy, dirty, untimely, clingy…. *sighs* Cute. Every mom has a built in “acceptance chip”. We’re robots who are programmed to love insanity. Yes, even this pureed meat covered grossness:

Therefore, when you were a two year old monster, your mother (while fighting against her instinct to strangle you) was looking fondly at a milk-spill on the floor  saying, “Awwww, you didn’t mean to do it.”

It sounds strange. I  was a single girl just a few years ago, disbelieving that I’d ever feel this way about a midget-sized human being. But then again, I also hadn’t  tried sticky toffee pudding. There was so much I didn’t know I could love back then.

You little turd. You scream at me if I’m two minutes too slow bringing you your bottle and yet as soon as it’s in your mouth and you’re contentedly (quietly) sucking on it, I’m thinking of how soft and sweet you are.  You shout ‘NO!’ at me regardless of the question I ask, and yet I keep asking you questions just to hear your tiny voice.

You pain in the butt who ruined my waistline, why do I know in my heart that I’d do it all over again for you…? You get peanut butter and cookie mush all over my CLEAN CLOTHES, so why do I accept it so easily?

 Okay, okay. You’re cute. I guess I’ll keep you around for another year. 

But you’d better be a millionaire when you grow up.  

*EDIT* God Bless YOU Blue Butterfly Baby! You’ve just saved my obnoxious font colors.  For those of you who’ve just tuned in, I was stuck with some stupid hippie theme that Xanga plastered all over my hot pink font.  Freaking Xanga themes.  Crazy kids and their new age technology.

I HATE XANGA THEMES.

My site is under construction until further notice. I can’t understand what the hell I’m doing and I’m so frustrated. I was trying out a “Xanga Theme” and now I can’t get rid of the damn thing.  More on this matter later. Until then I’ll be shouting insults at my laptop.

Man, I miss my obnoxious font colors….

 It’s amazing the difference between newlyweds and people who have been married for 50 years. The newlywed  can’t wait to please her new husband and so desperately seeks his approval and attempts to get everything just *perfect*. The wife after fifty years of marriage says, “I do it this way so to keep him off my back about how I’m doing it wrong.”

Friedrich
Nietzsche:

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy
marriages.

Mom taught me to pick and choose my battles with my husband. “Some things, ” she’d say “just aren’t worth fighting  over. Sometimes you just have to know you’re right and let your spouse think they’ve won the argument.” So for crying out loud, why can’t my husband just let me believe I’ve won more of the arguments?

Lyndon B.
Johnson:

Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her
think she is having her own way, then the other, to let her have it.

 I find that when my husband calls me from his deployment, he wants to talk for lengthy amounts of time. Inevitably, he calls when I have the *least* amount of time in my day, typically when the kids are screaming, supper is burning, water is overflowing and my stress level is rising.  Sometimes, it seems like he starts arguments just to keep me on the phone longer.

Joyce
Brothers:

My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never
divorce.

There are some days it doesn’t matter what I say to him, I’m wrong. This afternoon, a guy friend called to say his wife had left him. He was crushed.   He knew she was the love of his life and although bitter, he was desperate at the opportunity to win her back.  As I listened to him, I was reminded of how blessed I was to have my husband. We’re equally stubborn and could have easily made some of the same mistakes my friend and his wife made. Yet when I told my husband how grateful I was for his love and our relationship,  he immediately responded with, “I don’t like that guy. You shouldn’t really talk to him much more.” From sweet to sour in .04 seconds.

Katharine
Hepburn:

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one,
go ahead, get married.

Truth be told, I adore my husband. All things considered, I wouldn’t change him for the world. I was just offered my dream job (a real estate agent’s assistant with an opportunity to get my own agent’s license by the end of the year) and although it would keep us apart for four more months, he agreed to let me take it. It was so hard to hear the sadness in his voice when he unselfishly agreed to let me  take it. Circumstances prevailed and I will not be accepting the position at this time. However, he was so wonderful to put my dreams and the good of our family before his own desires.

Anne
Bradstreet:

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife,
then thee.

I appreciate my mother for not eating her young.

   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Helmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

If you really believed that, maybe you should adjust your sense of humor. Remove stick from sphincter, then laugh.

 It’s a common misconception that Cinco De Mayo is the Mexican Independance day.(Which is Sept 16th I think.) According to Wikipedia, “the holiday, which has been celebrated in California continuously since 1863, is virtually ignored in Mexico.”  It’s actually a celebration of the date in which four thousand Mexican troops defeated a French army nearly double in size at Puebla, Mexico. Although the Mexican army was victorious over the French at Puebla, the victory only delayed the French advance on Mexico City; a year later, the French occupied Mexico.

                                                
(Disclaimer: Any Mexicans still alive from the battle in 1863, we offer our apologies if this  picture of a kitteh was considered offensive. Thank you for fighting the French. Without your bravery, there might not be a Taco Bell. Mmmmmm… Carmel apple empanadas……….)

I don’t know about other places, but when I was still in school here in Texas, Cinco De Mayo was the BEST. We got to take a half day from school and the remainder of our afternoon was spent wearing paper sombreros and eating burritos at the school picnic. We always convinced the Spanish teachers it was a “learning experience.” Gullible fools.

Oh, sweet Mason Dixon line, you separate two worlds from each other: the north from the south. How does one country manage to become two separate entities?
The north is nice. It has trees, hippies, Indiana and Mystic Xingjing.
But the south… Oh my beloved Texas buried in the heart of the south.
The south offers amenities like fine dining:

And amazing shopping selection:

Some people claim small town folks cling to their faith in ignorance. However, in the South, people rely on their faith  to get them through the tough times:

Oh dear south, I love you. It’s so good to be home.

PS, Happy 20th Birthday baby brother. Yes ladies, this fine hunk of man is single.

I think the aviator sunglasses would roll a +2 awesomeness.

Another Letter from an
Occupant:
(to explain a
little behind this segment: These are letters from my heart to my distant love.
I don’t send them to him because it  isn’t necessary to show him how badly I
yearn for him at times,  but the outlet is needed. Like it or not, it’s my mushy
side that I don’t often share with others, and from time to time, you can
glimpse one of the truest loves this world has ever created between two people. 
Grin and bear it.)

Dearest Love,
Forever and ever my arms have ached for you. Has there been a greater need to see anyone before?  To see, to hold, to touch, to smell, to kiss someone….   The decorations for our new house sit in a box. They sit collecting dust in the corner of my room just waiting for you to return to our house and make it a home. These items can’t make our house a home, but you can. They can’t fill my heart, only you can. They aren’t necessary for my happiness, but you are. There’s no love between anyone else as there is between you and I. You make me so angry at times and yet the fires of my heart still burn only for you.
  As I flew to Texas from Indiana, I saw so many men in uniforms in the airport. They headed to deployment or returned from it, some were smiling, laughing, some sad, most were impatient.  But every time I saw that uniform , my heart skipped a beat thinking it was you. I just couldn’t convince my heart or my eyes that you weren’t in the airport, hiding behind the next terminal door. So many times I saw you for an instant- then you were gone. So much hope and disappointment. If it weren’t for stupid blind hope,  I wouldn’t have suffered so much from that disappointment. And yet, if it weren’t for  stupid blind hope, I wouldn’t be holding on so well without you.
Please return home soon.
Always and forever your love,
Me

Our water main broke today. SUCK.

We got a call from the water company asking if we were filling an Olympic sized pool. Well… we weren’t. Living outside of city limits means it’s our responsibility to fix these fun details. So we found an olympic sized puddle of water outside  the house and started digging. Several hours later, the pipes had been replaced and my jeans were a little messier than previously. Okay, maybe that’s an understatement. They were no longer discernible from their previous color.
So I changed into my comfy new COMIC BOOK  SLEEP PANTS!

Don’t be jealous because I get to touch my butt to Batman everyday. (I can already see my husband and mom-in-law shaking their heads in disbelief…. “She did NOT just say that in a public forum, did she?”)
Not only did I post that, I’ll also post another eyesore:
McCain Sings Streisand (Stolen from SwordandSacrifice)

Pretty bad, eh? Yeah. Republicans and Democrats UNITE! McCain forgets which side he’s on from time to time, but we must NEVER let him quit his dayjob.
 The rest of my day was spent at a friend’s house taming their mouse problem. It’s bad enough to open your cabinet and find a mouse has gotten into your bread, or perhaps even your marshmallows… But it’s just plain WRONG when the little bastards go after your Milky Way bars. Some offenses are just unforgiveable.

Low blow man. Low blow….

 It’s late. Night all!

Oh Dear Lord

I WON XANGAN IDOL! Holy crap. Who the hell voted for me? You guys are nuts, but I’ll roll with it. 

As promised, caramel bownies anyone?    Are you a fan of delicious flavor?

What sucks is, Nori (AmandasBiggestFan) worked her butt off for eternity and while she got huge eprops and heavy footprints on her site, she still doesn’t have LIFE. If you’re not using your credits, you should pop on over to her page and reward her time and efforts. Any xanga minis I receive, I fully intend to return them to her. Afterall, she introduced me to all of you. (Super cheesy. I know.)

I just unloaded all my credits on her, so here’s my account: 

Feel free to do the same, she deserves it. 

Today was greatness. It was mom’s fiftieth birthday and we had cake. Then I had seventy-something people tell me they liked me by their votes.  But the cake was GREAT. We had Barbie Birthday accessories hung everywhere under the pre-text that she was young at heart. It was my subtle attempt to embarrass her since she’d already put the kabosh on big black “Over The Hill” balloons and decor.  It was great to be with my family again, I laughed all day.

Due to the military, I’ve lived in other states for almost three years now. Today, we just sat around the table BS’ing and making fun of each other. My grandpa and I watched old westerns talking about the realities and unlikeliness of the difficult fantasy shootouts they performed. My brother and I explained the policy of “RickRolling” to the elders  of the table  and discussed the FLDS compound bust. In case any of you are just tuning in, all that Mormon child abuse business is happening here in my home town.  They’re now asking my church members to take some of these babies into their homes for foster parenting until things can be sorted out. They’ve made so many strict rules about the foster houses to keep the kids from suffering too much culture shock. The compound kids seem to be doing well.  They’re describing their time here more like a great field trip than a child custody case. Within the first week of their arrival, they were let out in the afternoons for playtime or a “recess” if you will. The children were so used to hard labor in their everyday life, that instead of playing, they spent all their playtime picking up rocks from the yard and straightening out the landscaping.  How sad….

There’s currently 16 different news crew vans that show up at every hearing. It’s still strange to turn on CNN and see the courthouse steps I’ve grown up around. See:

It was clearly a bad hair day. 

 I also got to see the world’s MOST ANNOYING commercial. I’ll indulge you.

Somebody buy from this guy so he’ll shut the hell up. I have to admit, it’s catchy…(and just like, a mini mall.)

Thanks for everything ya’ll. More hilarity to come now that things are back to normal. Remember to visit the other candidate’s websites. Redheadedcelt promised erotica and QCcan knows stuff about horses. I mean Norses. Is that a greek horse? 

Be funky fresh!

 Final Round

Ring the bell, boys, this is it.  After this, our posts can  return to their regularly scheduled hilarity. For now, I want you to go vote. I LOVE that you’ve voted in the past rounds but this is THE round. I’ll almost be thankful when it’s over so the tension will pass. I’d rather have your comments on my genius musings than worry over votes.  *sniffs* I miss you guys. 
Via ABF: Do the logo!

Go here: http://weblog.xanga.com/Amandasbiggestfan/654045704/xangan-idol—finale.html and leave a comment for life_by_us. Vote or :

 Theblackspiderman has shirtless pictures of himself for his votes. Now I don’t encourage nudity, but if it works. No, wait. Jesus is watching.  Post pictures of really hot brownies. Yeahh… mmmm.. hot….. fudge…. *drools*

We’re officially located in Texas now. The flights went smoothly except for the friggin turbulence.  You know what those little white bags in the back of the seat pocket are for? Barf. Yeah. I had no idea. Good to know now, I was gonna use the overpriced SkyMall Mag. I wanna buy everything in there but I’d have to sell my firstborn to afford it.

Box em up, move em out.

(fave pic EVAR.)

Night!