I try my damndest to stay away from filling an entry with quiz crap because it’s always, “What’s your favorite color? If you were a dessert, would you be fat free or purple? Why is the sky blue? Do you pick your nose?” The answer to all of these is YES. (even the purple.)

Meanwhile, I’ve found myself between a rock and a hard place because I need to complete these quiz questions in order to prove to my beloved judgy friends that I’m worthy of this prize which is a FABULOUS 100 DOLLAR VALUE!

So here’s my quiz. Don’t worry, I’m still the same old me, you just have to suffer through the task of getting to know me a little better.

Xanga Idol quiz of doom

Theblackspiderman asks:

1. If you were a Mortal Kombat character, what would you finishing move be? High Pitched Shriek of DOOM (followed by an overly exaggerated gasping sigh.) http://www.shortpacked.com/d/20080423.html

2. Do we need the letters X or Q?
Yes for the letter X. Otherwise, when you signed off on a love letter, you’d just write “OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” And that looks strange. It needs balance.

3. Say for example, the Justice League characters had a free-for-all fight. Who would win?
F-ING BATMAN! C’mon, who the hell makes a character like “Black Canary”? That’s like having a “Purple Sparrow.” Yeah, I’m shaking. I’ve been in a debate with my buddy about Batman vs Superman. I can provide scientific evidence as to why Superman would lose. Don’t test me. (Superman is an illegal immigrant.)

4. Should pizza be classified as “pie” Only deep dish. And it damn well better come with black olives and extra garlic.

5. What would your dream date be? Probably May 16th. It’s not too hot and it’s not too cold. If anything, you only need a light jacket.


DrugInducedDuck asks:

1. Who would win a fight to the death with only machetes, TheTheologiansCafe or FullMetalBunny? FullMetalBunny, hands down. She’s related to the killer bunny from Monty Python and you just don’t mess with that. Silly theologians and their uber-intelligence.

2. If someone killed everyone you loved, took everything you owned, beat you until you were unconscious, what creative way would you exact your revenge? Well, presuming I regained conciousness, I’d probably “forget” to tell them about the charges on my library card. When they’d go to check out books on my defaulted card…. BAM! Bet they didn’t see that one coming. Heh heh… Eat that.

3. What is the greatest song ever written?
Probably this one:

And in seriousness, Hotel California with Carlos Santana as a guest guitarist. Do you know how much ass that would kick? A lot. The answer is, A LOT of ass.

4. What is your weapon of choice? Baseball bat. I’ve found that my fakie pistol (aka a BB pistol) is not nearly as threatening as I thought it would be when I purchased it. I’ve actually chased people away from breaking into my car with a metal-core slugger bat. That’s right. You don’t mess with Momma. See related: http://www.xanga.com/life_by_us/583723915/item.html

5. What are your last words going to be? To my husband: “All of it.” He’ll know.

Mystic_Xingjing asks:

1. How is your relationship with your big toe? *sighs* Why’d you have to rub it in his face..? My poor big toe has issues with his height. He’s immasculated by the height of my second toe. Thank you for embarrassing the poor chap.

2. If you are chosen as the Xanga Idol, what would your first contribution to Xanga be?

World peace. And then, I’d give a crap ton of minis to anyone who looked at me because I think they’re pointless but cute.

3. What’s the story behind your Xanga ID? Bad_ass_Biotch was taken so I tried to find something “family oriented” since I was in the “family way.” And because this blog is the story of my life. Not life how Hollywood’s “Party of Five” or  ”The Hills” makes it out to be, but life by me. Us.

4. Boxers or briefs? Boxers

5. 3 wishes. What would they be?

Anyone who says “3 more wishes” should automatically stop breathing.

First wish: Beer, pizza and every style of Krispy Kreme will become fat free and calorie free.
Second wish: I will possess all the beer, pizza and every style of Krispy Kreme in the world
Third wish: No more gramatical errors. EVAR!

Amandasbiggestfan asks:

1. Which would you rather see, a UFO or a ghost? A ghost I could easily handle. No UFO’s for me unless they bring me a change of underpants. I’ll need it.

2. Which do you like better, cats or dogs? CATS ROCK!!!!!

3. Who or what inspires you to blog? Daily life. There’s so darn much humor in everything around us. You’ve got to use osmosis to put it into blog form, but without humor, how do you survive your day?

4. What’s your favorite Kung-fu movie (or just any movie with martial arts in it) of all time? This one:

5. Who’s your least favorite Xangan Idol judge? (loaded question, so choose wisely) Sadly, Mystic shin…g…shins gine…  Mystic Ginseng…? It’s only because I CAN’T PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME! (and you’re prettier than me.)

OUTRAGEOUS RACISM

Yes, I used all caps. It’s that important. No, I’m not talking about A-1.  I realize there’s a competition going on right now, but this is important enough to risk losing funny points. Let’s get serious for a moment.

I heard a talk radio host describing an occurrance today that I would not have believed if I hadn’t heard it myself.  A  UCLA pro-life magazine  called “The Advocate” made a few calls to several Planned Parenthood offices in several  states. In each case, the caller  acted as a person who wished to send in an anonymous donation to help fund abortions. This is nothing new, no problem there. This particular “caller” was a white male, wishing to make a specific contribution to the abortion of black babies.  There were no objections or questions about this particular request, so the “caller” pushed the envelope a little farther. He stated, “I just don’t really  want affirmitive action affecting my kids. They need an opportunity at college without much competition.” When there was STILL no reaction from the operator, (or in one case, the Vice President of the operation herself) the caller went on to say that he thought there were just too many blacks around today. “The less blacks the better.”

(Remember to turn off the auto-radio on the bottom of this page to hear the video clip.)

At this point, I felt like vomitting and was mentally *begging* the operator to burst out from a silent angry fit. Not a single one of them did. I was crushed. I’ve never been a supporter of Planned Parenthood and have always been a pro-life advocate. But this is so much farther than just pro-life vs pro-choice. Such blatant racism should be covered more in the main stream media. These clips have been out for almost two weeks now and I had to accidentally come to hear it on Laura Ingram’s pro-life radio talkshow. I should have heard it from CNN, MSNBC, FOX, ABC, ANY OF THEM!

Here’s the link to the story: http://www.townhall.com/Columnists/MaggieGallagher/2008/04/22/is_planned_parenthood_above_the_law

And here’s the youtube.com link to the actual, unaltered clips:

http://www.youtube.com./watch?v=zwif0VMW3c4

 Why aren’t we hearing about this? Because pro-choice liberals want the  liberal population’s  vote. That means, silencing the liberal media on this issue. So where are the conservative pro-life groups? The anti-racism groups? Right here. You and I. This isn’t just about being pro-life or pro-choice. It has to do  with human beings doing what’s right. Born, Unborn, Black, Hispanic, Asian, and White.  This affects you no matter which of the previously mentioned groups you are. Your tax dollars go to support Planned Parenthood and their racist ideas.  What a shame. I know several people who just paid hundreds of dollars from their pockets to the IRS this year. It’s a good thing that money goes to such a great cause, isn’t it?

Life_By_Us is your candidate!
 As you all know by now, I’m in the running for AmandasBiggestFan’s competition for Xanga Lifetime.  I’m not going to spend my entire entry on this because I have other subjects to move onto, but for the sake of showing how excited I am over this silly competition, I’ll put forward some effort at the bottom of this post.     

For now onto more interesting details about life.
  Derek’s definitely coming home early from deployment as I’ve already stated.  
Meanwhile, they’re sending more troops over there. So for those of you
who thought this war was over as soon as the new president stepped into
office, you’re wrong. They’ve shortened the amount of time our boys and
girls will stay there, but increased the number of tours they’re taking
each year. We’ll get out of the military at the end of this year so this is our last one, but
if you have a loved one in the service, give them a kiss because their
number will be drawn again soon.

Facts for you:
-I love Ella Fitgerald and she deserves to be number one  on my music list. If you haven’t heard of the first lady of swing, educate yourself.
-I have a poor sense of humor.
                     
- I hiked five miles today and then wasted my progress on a Taco Bell lunch. SO worth it.
-We’ll be headed down to Texas this weekend, and I know about twenty readers who are looking forward to it as much as I am. You have the number, just call anytime.
 
   Some people are kissing up to the judges. Well, I’d like to inform you that life_by_us will not conform to such tactics. Instead, I’ll be making cheesy videos and taking goofy pictures.
Just some reasons why  your vote belongs  with life_by_us:
If she doesn’t get the prize, she’ll have to sell her children to afford her own subscription to xanga lifetime.

She kisses babies.
She supports a troop. (Her husband. We all have to do our part.)
She recycles.
She supports the farmers union:

She’s pro-gun:(paintball)

 
In order to enter your vote, simply click on all four of these websites and type your entry into the comment section. Leaving them on my site will NOT place the vote, so please, spend a few more minutes and visit the judges’ sites.
Mystic_Xingjing
AmandasBiggestFan 
Theblackspiderman
DrugInducedDuck
(BTW, BlackSpiderman, as much as I love your screen name, Batman is the SH*T. No doubt.)

My best impression of DrugInducedDuck:

Hmm.. I think I got the “man” part all wrong.

Another Letter from an
Occupant:
(to explain a
little behind this segment: These are letters from my heart to my distant love.
I don’t send them to him because it  isn’t necessary to show him how badly I
yearn for him at times,  but the outlet is needed. Like it or not, it’s my mushy
side that I don’t often share with others, and from time to time, you can
glimpse one of the truest loves this world has ever created between two people. 
Grin and bear it.)
Dear Love,
I realize how long we’ve been married now, but without you here in the
US next to me, time doesn’t pass at all.  I still don’t sleep at
night.  I lie awake and think of how slowly the days drag on. It’s amazing how small a single bed seems until it’s empty. Now my mattress aches with with extra space that your body should be filling.
   Only a year until we can start our lives together, away from the
military. Do you know how excited I am to have a “home”? Not just a
house…. We’ve already got a bench for our front porch. I want to sit
on it and hold your hand while our kids play in the yard. I’ve been
dreaming of a Mayberry-esq scene since I first met you in highschool.
I’ve always known there was no other for me and yet, at times you still
try my patience like no other.  Through it all,  there’s nothing more
that I want than to start the rest of my life with you. I’ll forever
belong to you.

Drama and LIFETIME
You
know how on the TV show ER, people run around screaming things like
“STAT!” and “Gimme twelve CC’s!”. Well, I’m sorry to dissapoint you,
but it’s not like that in real life. I know, it’s tough to hear. I was
in the ER this morning  and the only screaming that happened was from
my five month old boy. He has an ear infection and a gassy stomach
which  kept us up for two and a half hours  last night.  SUCK.  The
nurse turned him over and started patting his back teaching me how to
“Rub the farts out” which put the doctor in a giggling fit.  Apparently
they used  different terminology in med school.  Apparently, rubbing
the farts out was successful because Aidan went a little nuts with joy
afterwards. Observe:

The race is ON!
I’ve officially been entered in the great AmandasBiggestFan 
competition to win XANGA LIFETIME! I realize this competition has
absolutely NO VALUE to the outside world. But after Derek shipped off
to Iraq, I found this to be one of my most successful outlets for my
cheesy sense of humor, and by your comments, I seem to be doing it
well. You people seem to *get* me. (which only proves that you also
have no life or sense of humor.) I already know my mother in law is
shaking her head thinking, “I’ve got to find her a hobby….”

                                   
Yeah. I know.

Meanwhile,
I’ve taken the time and effort to persuade the judges to look at my
site with crafty comments. I’ve also bribed them with a shiny new
nickel. They’re like putty in my hands. Honestly, if Trunthepaige was
in the running, I’d be hosed because she’s excellent. Not to mention,
my favorite humor site, Amandasbiggestfan. (You’d think I’d have this
competition in the bag since she’s my biggest fan. I’m beginning to
think now it’s only lipservice.)

  Unfortunately, I can’t do all
the work here. My beloved friends, you also need to vote. These are the
people whom you should offer lap dances too in exchange for their
alliance on our side.

http://www.xanga.com/Mystic_Xingjing

http://www.xanga.com/theblackspiderman

http://www.xanga.com/druginducedduck

http://www.xanga.com/amandasbiggestfan

So those of you who voted in the music poll (and those of you who
filled my email inbox with forwards that I DON’T READ) please take the
time to log in and copy/paste this note in their comment boxes:
“Dear Sir/Ma’am,
My friend Amanda, aka Life_by_us would
sincerely appreciate your vote in the Xangan Idol competition. If she
doesn’t receive enough votes, she intends to sell her two beautiful
children to pay for her own copy of the Lifetime Subscription and you
don’t want that. Thank you for keeping your conscience clean when you
vote and I don’t recommend the tacos. You might have to rub the farts out later.”

And dear friends, for those of you who want another choice of candidate
to represent, I’ll tell you what the presidential candidates are too
afraid to say.
                                                       
                                           

Love to all!

I’ve Been Expelled
  I’m reeling from the movie I just watched. Ben Stein’s Expelled is a PHENOMENAL flick.  I can’t state that enough, it was mind-blowing and compelling. I must say, if you’ve felt compelled or at all curious to see it, it is well worth your money. I paid ten dollars for my movie seat and will gladly pay it again as I don’t believe I was able to take it all in. It’s also not just linked to one particular faith, it leaves room for ALL faiths to be satisfied.)

  It delves into a deep correlation between Hitler’s regime of heinous crimes and Darwinism. It discusses  different big-wig colleges that have sacked professors (who had tenure nonetheless) all over the very*mention* that the *idea* of intelligent design(aka a higher power) was a plausible theory. They were then titled “Creationists” and blacklisted for rehire.  It touches on so many levels of science  that has major holes and flaws in their theories that any sort of faith could answer.
So many of the faith-based scientists have made such prominent discoveries all because they didn’t limit their research to a faithless outcome.
 So my atheist friends (Teufels_Hofnarr, WindonReed2 ) who read these words, I DARE you to go and watch this film. Don’t do it for me, do it so you’ll know what the “other side” of your argument is learning about. Be intelligent in your debate by seeing what our defense is before we can use it. It’ll certainly give you something to try and debunk.

BIG news

HUGE BIG GREAT TERRIFIC NEWS!

Derek’s definitely coming home early from his deployment. Unless he doesn’t.  (it’s the military, so who really knows?) His relief is scheduled to come in  early June which is several months earlier than we’d expected.

Downsides: We no longer have a house waiting for us in Ohio.(that’s our duty station) We got rid of it thinking we’d be out of the military by the time  he got back from deployment.. You are reading the website of a hobo.  Meanwhile, we’ve already begun looking up moving estimates. Helpful tip I came across:

Good to know. 

BTW, that “buff” picture I posted on my last blog somehow managed to get on xanga’s “FEATURED” site. Out of all the funny pictures I post, how did that stupid one end up  winning such a prestigious position? In honor of this momentous occasion, today’s featured song is my name. Egotism? Nah, I just couldn’t think of a better song. Do you have a better suggestion?

 I’m done for now, it’s late and I’ve looked at all the online “house decorating” websites I can see for one day. (What? It’s my stress relief… DON’T MOCK ME!)

I’ll leave you with an economic stimulus letter I received:

Dear Citizen,

The U.S. federal government is sending most of us a $600 rebate or more.  If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China . If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India . If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala or South America.  If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan . If we purchase useless junk it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in the US.  I’ve been doing my part and now it’s up to each of you to also help the American economy. 

I thank you for your help.

 Governor Spitzer

Days Go By

  Did you know today is the day Lincoln was assassinated? It’s also tax day. So a bad day all around for Lincoln and money.

Don’t cry little emo lincoln.

 So I’ve been working out a lot lately, attempting to lose the baby weight.  I’ve been doing three miles with the kids in the morning and  attempting to squeeze in another mile after dinner when the weather permits.
I’ve lost several inches off my waist and as of yesterday, I’ve gone down another pants size. If it weren’t for the damn brownies  my inlaws keep stashed around the house, (and if I had a little self control) I’d be looking much better. To give you a heads up, here’s what I’ll look like  after I drop these last fifteen pounds:

On my walk yesterday, I passed by a little duck pond and saw one of the sweetest  and most depressing things I’ve seen in awhile. A male mallard duck  sat about three feet from the path. As I jogged with my kids in their double stroller, I watched him, waiting for him to hop up  as we approached. The closer we got, the more it seemed he was huddling over something close to the grass. Finally, we were less than three feet from him when I saw it… The maimed body of the female duck I’d seen the day before. He got up from the closest side of her body and walked to the farthest side of her body and sat back down.  I suppose a dog caught up with her………
I didn’t realize that Mallards mate for life. It really broke my heart to see him sitting there so very alone.

Another
Letter from an Occupant:
(to explain a little behind this segment: These are
letters from my heart to my distant love. I don’t send them to him because it 
isn’t necessary to show him how badly I yearn for him at times,  but the outlet is
needed. Like it or not, it’s my mushy side that I don’t often share with others,
and from time to time, you can glimpse one of the truest loves this world has
ever created between two people.  Grin and bear it.)
Dear Love,
 Your voice on the phone makes my heart pound in my chest and freeze all at once.  I can’t descrive how excited you make me. All of a sudden I’m the highschool girl you fell in love with. I’m giddy and insecure and enamored like I’ve never been before. I wish you could know what you do to me.  All too often, you drive me crazy but I can’t live without you. Even when you irritate me, I need you more than ever.
 I live in your letters… I breathe deeply
from this envelope- it smells like you and I can’t be without that
scent. It’s filling me with all you mean to me.

 Pointless Political Post

I love modern conservative Republicans, they make great door mats.

 Have you noticed lately that there’s been a rise in conservatives standing up for themselves? It’s only a slight increase, but it’s promising. Only a few months ago, I was sick of the apathetic response that Republicans gave to anything that happened in the world around them, but lately it seems like we’re starting to get a backbone. Or maybe it’s just my state of mind? I know a little more than half of my readers are conservatives, so those of you who aren’t, bear with me. Everyone’s experienced a little bit of apathy from the party members they might have previously respected.

For instance, for his first few years in office, I saw G.W. as  a rootin tootin cowboy from Texas, but the last few years, it kinda seems like he rolls over and takes it in the rear.  I kept thinking, Geez, any self-respecting Texan would shoot the finger to these media  nazis and say, “Screw you, I’m doing the best I can.” I guess he’s gotten to the point in his presidential career that he realizes he’s got no one to really impress because he can’t be re-elected. I just get so frustrated. I see the ACLU running amok and tearing the Christ out of any and every  monument they find and of  course their bosom buddies (liberal dems) cheering them on…

But where’s my party? Where are the God-fearing Christian conservatives?  Why aren’t they shouting in protest?  I just left Ohio and I don’t believe there were more than two conservatives at any given time near me. I’m in Indiana now and I feel  a little better about our standings in the continental US. So is it my state of mind that’s changed? Am I just feeling better now that I’m in a conservative state or have the rest of you noticed that we’re doing better?

Granted, my Republican candidate isn’t in the running for the White House anymore, but I do feel VERY confident knowing that McCain has had temper issues in the past. Perhaps I’ll finally get a president who’ll shoot the finger and tell the press what he really thinks of the way they handle media coverage. Where’s the real news? Come on, how many more Brittney panty shots are we going to have to sit through, CBS? OH SNAP!

Maybe we’ll finally get a president who won’t be able to hold back his words when he hears lies?  I don’t worry about him having a PMS fit and pushing the nuke button, that’s what a checks and balance system is for.  

Now, for my democratic friends: A cartoon for whichever candidate you  support.

Candidate Selection

No matter whom you had intended to vote for previously, EVERYONE is having issues with their candidate right now. The US is in a state of tension as slander campaigns rain upon the democrats and  dissapointed republicans are sighing while they place the “McCain” sign in their front yard. (and secretly check out who the Libertarian candidate is.) No offense to any of the candidates, but none of you are for me. I’ve got a much more promising  duo in my sights:

Vote for the right choice. Vote anti-Bowser.